Tiresome. Fatigue. Exhaustion. We’ve all felt it; been there. We’ve all felt like the world was too much to deal with when all our eyes wanted to do the most in the world was to shut tightly and to force your entire body to curl up into a tight ball and climb under your warm comforters and just pass out; be dead to the world and just not care what happened around you.
I drove to work half asleep today (like most days). I drove home half asleep today (like most days). I sat at my desk in my office looking at work emails, and I partially fell asleep. With my eyes open. Exhaustion. Struggle bus.
I know everyone experiences it. I know I am not a rare bird with this feeling. I get that, but I feel like I took like twenty sleeping pills and am trying to figure out how to complete the most basic things while 90% asleep. When I got home tonight, I had so much to do. Nathan had to literally (I mean LITERALLY!) pull me off the couch to force me to get the many tasks I had looming over my head completed.
Here’s the thing, PCOS can cause extreme fatigue. The fact that my hormones are out of wack and that PCOS can cause sleep issues makes for a very sleepy lady. I have zero to no motivation today. Actually, I’ve felt this way for the past four days. I, also, haven’t worked out since Thursday so maybe that could be another factor?
In the midst of typing this, I am working on some other stuff that needs to be completed tonight, but I am trying to run on this very limited fuel I have and maybe I will work out too after I get these few things done. I took off from work tomorrow to celebrate my belated birthday with Nathan so working out so late won’t be a total issue.
Let’s be real, who knows though. Lately, my sleeping patterns have been horrific. I have not slept through the night in a few months. I have no clue as to why, however I do know it truly needs to stop. It is starting to affect me greatly. It could be that our mattress is old or that I’ve been having major shoulder and back issues again. All I know is if yoga and working out don’t start working like I thought it would, I may have to find another way. I did end up buying a salt lamp with a birthday gift card I received. Salt lamps apparently help with sleeping. I also may invest in some particular plants that are said to help in sleeping too. If these don’t work, I may break down and have to go back to the doctor. Because I don’t go to enough of those… gr.
I typed this post months ago. I am still experiencing some major lack of sleep. It has started to affect me mentally. I’ve gone into this black hole of emotions (and not very good ones) that I had to go to my gyno to see what I could do. I’ve decided to go speak with a therapist, but have yet to get the courage to make an appointment. I have had her number for like a month now.
Is it weird that I am nervous, anxious, and truly exhausted thinking about having to tell a complete stranger about my inner most darkest secrets, anxieties, and get really emotional while doing it? I KNOW it will make me feel better to do this, but doing it is a MAJOR life change. It’s a commitment that I don’t know if I am yet ready to get on board with. I have a follow up appointment in like two weeks with my gyno and I don’t want to be a total baby about it when I go because I already was when I originally went.
Considering the entire reason for even having to make this decision was my lack of sleep which lead to my head full of dark clouds and the chest full of anxiety and panic attacks (that I have never really had until my adulthood..), I should probably just suck it up and make that appointment. Anyone else ever feel this way?
By the way, I realize how horribly this entire post is written. I just don’t care enough… (too tired and all…).