I finally got my OvuSense sensor on Thursday. I didn’t get a chance to use it until last night, but I couldn’t get comfortable for a while. After being in that state of sleep where you are awake and asleep at the same time, worrying about the same thing over and over again, I finally decided to give up at about 1 am and I took it out. If I had slept for another hour, the data could have been downloaded, but I was only asleep for 3 hours.
It may not make sense as to why I was worrying about this, but let me remind you how OvuSense works. OvuSense is a sensor shaped like a sperm, but acts like a tampon. You insert it into your vagina (like a tampon) and are to sleep with it over night. Once you wake up in the morning, you clean it off, and place your phone on top of the sperm-like tampon sensor with your phone to scan it so the data is then downloaded onto your phone directly to the app. It will tell you when to expect ovulation. It looks like this:
Here is why I was a neurotic mess (and by the way, this gets VERY TMI, even more so…):
I never use tampons. I mean never have and never will. I’ve always been afraid of the idea of leaving a foreign object in my vagina for 7+ hours. It’s partially due to not being properly taught about it. I remember being young and trying to use them a few times, freak out, and then people would tell me “you shouldn’t be able to feel it in there” and that never made any sense to me. Nor was it helpful for me. It actually made it worse for me. It’s a foreign object. I can feel it in my vagina. Because IT IS IN MY VAGINA. That advice made me even more anxious about using them. So I just never did.
The other part is due to the fact that I’m super paranoid about health concerns like yeast infections, UTIs, and toxic shock syndrome. Not to mention in my sleep deprivation last night, I kept thinking the string part was going to go all the way inside my vagina (which I know is not possible, but we’re talking about an unreasonable human being here…) from my constant moving around (because I am lucky to have a night’s rest where I actually wake up in the same position I fell asleep in. It is a very rare occasion when that happens.) and I wouldn’t be able to get it back out.
I’m paranoid. I do realize this.
HOWEVER since Nathan and I have been struggling to conceive for 3+ years now, I used that as my rationalization for trying OvuSense. I thought, “Oh, this is for a really good reason. Something we really want. I’ll get over my fears and paranoia’s and just get it done.” Well guess what? I am on the struggle bus right now.
BUT, I am not giving up. I am going to try again tonight. I am getting anxious due to it being my 29th birthday today. I feel like my biological clock is ticking very loudly and since everyone and their mom’s already make us women feel like hitting 30 is where shit gets real with fertility issues (and having PCOS doesn’t help that cause), I just feel like if this is going to happen, it needs to happen soon.
As for my birthday, I was given a lot of love, kind words, generous gifts and beautiful cards, and even more generous donations to a non-profit we volunteer for, and that made my 29th birthday even more special. I am truly blessed for the family and friends I have in my life. I don’t know how I would get through life without any of you!
I wanted to show you guys something sweet Nathan did for me though. It made me cry. A lot. That I cannot deny at all. I will show you the gift and then explain it:
He kept saying that he, Wesson, and Annabelle (if you don’t know who they are, they are our fur babies!) each bought me a gift. He put each frame into it’s own bag. The small frame is for Wesson. The middle one is for Annabelle. And the bigger one that says “Our Greatest Joy” is for the baby we will have one day. He said he had this idea when I finally received my OvuSense sensor. I cried so much.
I am certainly blessed to have such a kind-hearted and caring man love me and support me the way he does. Even though, I am sure he is struggling with this as much as I am, in his own way, he never shows it and ALWAYS encourages me to power through and keep going when all I feel is doubt. He is always positive even when it goes against his true nature (lol). Like I said, I had an amazing birthday this year and an even better support system in my life. How can I have a bad birthday with this kind of love??
Just a quick side note: please don’t judge me. I know you’ve just learned a VERY private thing about me and my menstrual cycle (other than the, you know, PCOS…) Just try not to judge. My vagina and I thank you.