When it comes down to it, I believe stress is a major aide in our crazy PCOS symptoms (or for everyone really). Such as major changes in life. Like a drastic move 500 miles away from everything and everyone I knew so well for 25 years. Yep.
We moved to rural North Carolina two years ago which was around the same time as when I first took myself off birth control. It was for a devastating moment for us in our family. We had lost my husband’s Grandmother and great Aunt back to back. They both had a major role in raising him from a very young age. We decided it would be good for him and myself to move down to NC to spend more time with his family. Other factors played into our big decision, but that was a pretty big factor.
Though it was supposed to be a good change for a better life, it was still a major change to my every day, typical, routine of a life and suddenly I didn’t have that routine any more. I thrive on routine and structure. (Yes, I know, that’s boring…) I did not have the same people, experiences, or environments to keep me grounded.
To clarify, I do not hate living in NC 100%. Some days are better than others, I will admit. I do enjoy the new experiences, good and bad, that have shaped me as an adult while living here. Such as, how it has brought us our beautiful first home, our adorable and crazy dog-babies, challenged and strengthened our marriage and the motivation to better myself by starting online classes. We have strengthened our relationships with our family members and realized who we can trust to be in our lives for a very long time. These are all joyful things.
However, there are a few major down sides. I belong to a large family who is usually pretty close-knit (plus being a total Mama’s girl) and having such close friends (for what feels like many decades) usually around every weekend, it made me grow lonely and sad when I did not have them around all of the time. To top it off, my husband works on the weekends so I am by myself with just our dogs when I am not at work. Can you see my dilemma with this now?
I am still finding my footing here, socially. It doesn’t help that I work with about five people and all of them are much older than I am (which would be fine if we had things in common). Also, like I said, we live in a pretty rural area. We have neighbors, thank God! But same issues apply here.
I don’t go to church. I do not have a gym membership any more, and I do not have children so I cannot easily make mommy friends. I have tried to get connected via social media, but there aren’t many groups in this direct area. I would have to travel an hour or so to join any social groups.
Being alone ALL of the time, away from things that feel so normal is what adds to my anxiety and depression at times. It gets me down, frustration builds, anger is afoot and sadness is shortly to follow, however I have grown to realize a few things about myself during this time. Being alone is rewarding at times as well. I really do believe that. I am constantly trying new things at home with my art, writing, baking, online classes, and keeping in touch with my family and friends in Charlotte and PA. It makes phone calls, text messages, video chats, and especially visits that much more special. I have also grown to look at myself and my life more positively. I won’t lie; it is a struggle between being positive and being a total negative person to myself. As long as I try to see the light in everything that is really all that matters.
My point here is that change can be good for people and sometimes it can drag you down. I am at the stage of trying to use this enormous change to lift myself back up and make it impact my life positively instead honing in on the negatives. If I do not do that, I feel I will only hurt myself more in the end. Physical health is important. Mental health is just as important. Without the combination of both, set backs are bound to happen.