Silent Killer

PCOS. What is it? How does it affect your life? Why does it royally suck?

If you’re wondering all of this, I still am too. Like I mentioned in my first post, PCOS is “a hormonal disorder causing enlarged ovaries with small cysts on the outer edges”. PCOS is known as the “silent killer” due to its varying symptoms, how differently it can affect a woman’s body, and the fact that there isn’t just one test we can take to determine if we have it or not. It can cause insulin resistance, type 2 diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and heart disease. The only good things are that it is manageable and that early detection is said to help tremendously in cases.

PCOS can affect a woman both physically and mentally. There are many different physical symptoms that PCOS can cause such as hair loss, sweating, memory loss, unwanted hair growth, mid section fat gain/obesity (where it forms to look like a pregnant belly because you know, this condition is sadistic. And by the way, check), extreme acne breakouts (check), fatigue (check), sleep problems (on occasion, but check), mood changes (ha! ask my husband…check…), headaches (only as I have gotten older, check), pelvic pain (again, as I age, check), and the most important and most terrifying: infertility (apparently and hopefully only for now, check…). The mental symptoms can cause anxiety, depression and eating disorders (check, check, and only if you count the occasional body loathing…).

The version of PCOS I deal with now on a daily basis seems to affect me much differently as to when I was first diagnosed at fifteen. In my unprofessional opinion, this can be due to no longer being a prepubescent, no longer being on birth control, and/or weight gain. Prior to being off birth control, I had these symptoms and I had anxiety, depression and body issues, however it was possible for me to tame my feelings (especially once I was able to move out to our own place). Now being off of birth control, I just feel like my emotions have hit an all time high and I am constantly trying to keep myself anchored to the ground. Just ask my husband about that. 🙂 I cry. At everything. All of the time. Happy. Sad. Frustrated. Angry. Anxious. Because something is so cute and I just cannot handle it. Or I decide to scream instead. When I am upset. When something goes completely wrong all at once. When the world seems to be spiraling out and going crazy. When my boss does or says something contradicting. Or when I just don’t want to be in this body any more. When my mood flips into a dark place like that, I get frustrated and then it depresses me.

I do try to control it for my sake, the sake of my husband, and the sake of our marriage. Thankfully, he is very understanding to my situation so normally he can let it just roll off his back. I do struggle with this at times though. Should he just let it roll off his back? Should he have to deal with this craziness? Do I want to be this person? Do I want to have my body conflicting with itself? Do I want to burden my loved ones because my body can’t control itself and be normal? No. Of course not. Definitely not. That is why we have to find a positive outlet to guide our minds into a safe and healthy direction of calm and peace. I truly believe that a good mixture of exercise, healthy eating, meditation, medication, some socialization and the love from a very understanding and caring loved one can guide you in the right direction. It can help simmer those worries and inner conflicts.

As of lately, I have hit a MAJOR slump in my fit lifestyle which in turn, I believe, has made my wacky emotions get…wackier. No matter what I do or how hard I try to cut out sugar, walk every day, pick up a weight, eat more veggies, I seem to do really well and then I plummet. On one side, I am in this lazy slump that doesn’t want to do anything or even want to care and then on the other side, as I become more aware of my condition it has made me fearful for my life and then I realize I HAVE TO start taking things seriously again.

This brings me to the deal my husband and I have.  We bought an elliptical this weekend. (It comes Thursday! 🙂 ) I stop buying junk food to make him happy (I was getting to a good point of not buying crap and then he would throw in the occasional “Man, I sure do wish we had cookies” bit in the mix which broke me down to put cookies on the grocery list. And guess who would sneak in and eat some of those said cookies… 😦 ). Man, not any more! I will do nothing but eat, drink, sleep and breath healthy! My goals will be to pick up yoga and meditation again, work out for 20-45 minutes every.single.day and eat a modified low carb diet with fruits and a few healthy grains.

I know what I HAVE to do. I just need to ignore the PCOS influence of laziness and fatigue and get back on the horse. Got to keep telling myself that it’s for babies and to live a longer and happier life with the man that I love and our fur children. 🙂

We’ve got this! We HAVE to have this or else our lives are in great danger with so many scary diseases out there ready to take hold. PCOS can be a burden and ruin your life or it can be a life lesson to wake you up and motivate yourself to become a healthier and happier you. You can get all of the things you dream of, you just need to put the effort in to get it.

Doing a lot of research has actually helped me in getting motivated to become a healthier version of myself. Maybe if you are struggling too, it might be a good idea to sit down and research what may be going on with yourself. Now when I say that, I don’t mean go to some kind of sketchy medical site, self diagnose and automatically assume that you are dying. THAT is not healthy. What I mean is, go to a real doctor to get properly diagnosed and then learn about your condition further. It may bring you some deeper insight or understanding of what you are going through. Get in touch with other people who are going through similar situations. See how they deal with their issues in every day life. Or turn to a blog and write out your inner most feelings, fears and thoughts. Whatever it is, be sure to take it seriously and just do something to relax your mind so you can be the person you want to be without this condition.