As long as I could remember all I’ve ever wanted in life was to be a mother. Cliche? Maybe, but it’s what I wanted and still want very much so. If I was being truly honest with myself, I never really pictured the whole white picket fence with the husband, the dog and all that usually comes with that dream, but I did imagine a baby and the bond I had with it. I know it’s odd. Most little girls have their entire lives planned out. I just knew that I wanted to be the person my mother always was to me: my advocate, my superhero, my biggest supporter. I knew that one day I’d want to be those exact things to a smaller version of myself.
Of course, as I grew up, I realized I could always accomplish that dream if I modified it some and found the man I loved wholeheartedly and trusted with my life. Well, this is my story of how I found my soulmate (at a very young age, mind you), but have yet to receive that part of my dream. Our dream now. I guess that’s harsh to say. Being in our lives for as long as we have, we are lucky enough to still be infatuated with one another and have created a sweet and beautiful little fur-family in our adorable home which is a great start so far. However, we know one thing is still missing from our perfect little family: a human version of ourselves running a muck in this adorable home of ours.
The struggle begins with how I was first told I had PCOS at fifteen. What is PCOS? The real name is Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. A short brief: it is a hormonal disorder that can cause enlarged ovaries with small cysts on the outer edges. The severity of the syndrome can vary. It can just be a bad case of acne, hair growth in unfortunate areas (or loss) to not being able to conceive at all to everything in between those two extremes. I’m somewhere in the middle (as of right now at least). I’m not a doctor, but I’m sure any case can change in any direction or so my research and being in my very interesting Facebook groups have suggested. Fortunately, a great lifestyle change can help; diet, exercise, and medication all can help aide in conceiving or keeping hormones in check.
I’ve started my journey of medications a few months ago (about 7 months), but we started baby making plans about two years ago by stopping my birth control. From the start, I knew it would take a bit of time to get pregnant since the pills had been in my system for a decade, but I didn’t realize it would take THIS long. We are still not pregnant. It is frustrating, maddening and sometimes heartbreaking. We try to keep our feelings and our journey to ourselves most of the time. Sometimes people don’t really understand this part of babies/pregnancy and can sometimes be insensitive or just sort of treat it like it’s a bad cold that’ll eventually go away. Until someone can lay in our bed and try to complete one of the most basic human tasks there is, but come out empty handed every single time, then I just don’t want to hear it.
Though, this is why I started this blog. I needed a place to rant and rave and spill my feelings out. I can tell my husband ANYTHING, but sometimes it’s nice to do it someplace else. He is going through it with me. He knows the struggle. He struggles too. He may not always show it, but I know he does. This entire journey of ours has made me want to put it out there and get it off my chest and if I happen to make one person who may be going through the same thing feel like their not alone than that’s an added bonus.
Welcome to our crazy world of trying to be a part of the breeders club, my weight loss journey part 24545934573, and just basic suggestions, ideas, and moments of AHHs and AHAs! Be sure to bring the wine, you may need it. 🙂